I moved to Arizona because of the gun laws. Please check this link out for pure guntastic fun.
I have often wondered about other gun inventions, like say a remote control, binaca dispenser, or a gun shaped inhaler for asthmatics.
In my 7th grade English class, we were often asked to do creative writing. One particular assignment was quite memorable: “Imagine a futuristic change in society and develop a narrative related to it.” Some of my classmates brought in stories with cliché technological advancements – flying cars, robots, etc. Others envisioned world peace or, conversely, third world wars.
I wrote a story about getting rid of old people.
In this future, the world had become grossly over-populated and the societal value of “elderly care” dissipated. Upon reaching seniority (I think I picked an arbitrary age, like 53) grandmothers and grandfathers were summarily shipped off to a desolate island, never to be heard of again. I’m pretty sure the end of my story was a tearful and naïve granddaughter waving goodbye to “NaNa” with a despondent father comforting her by saying something along the lines of “it’s the only way.”
Thankfully, that’s not our reality! (Yet.) And thus, here are a few wonderful lists for the beloved members of our senior community. First, the Ten Best Places to Retire. What’s great about this list is that it offers a diversity of geographic recommendations, from the sunny beaches of
For the young and old alike, it is always important to be thinking about your health. Your memory, in particular, needs more regular exercise than you may think. Here are Five Tools for Improving Your Memory that will surely keep you thinking quickly on your feet.
And now that your memory is pumped up, no excuses for forgetting to post your own lists and comment on others!
You know its a great list when Slick-Willy is twice mentioned in the top 5 of a top 20 list.
“Depends on your definition of harassment.”
The premiere of this show is stressing me out. If you have not heard already, American Gladiators is returning on January 6th, in the year of our Lord 2008. Who knew NBC had the power to push Christmas back 11 days. Yesterday’s topic was nostalgia and believe me when I tell you that nothing is more nostalgic than watching Dick Butkus and the Gladiators pound ordinary Joes in competition like the Assault (NERF Weaponry), Joust, Hang Tough, One-on-One tug-of-war, Powerball, and the Eliminator. I can recite the names of my favorite Gladiators of old just as easily as I can stand and give my allegiance to the American Flag. Nitro, Turbo, Ice, Lace, Gold, Thunder, Malibu, Jazz, Ice, Rap, Laser, and Gemini were some of the best physical specimens this nation has ever seen.
I’m almost positive that George Mitchell tried to dig up some syringes on these American Icons. If I were in Congress I would pass legislation recognizing these athletic giants and mandate that January 6th always be American Gladiator Day in our nations schools. Students would have to dress like the favorite gladiator and PE would commence from 7am til the sun don’t shine. No more President’s Fitness Exam or PSA’s by Arnold the Governator…just one nation, together, under gladiator. Chills are running down my spine. Let me hear a Presidential Contender with that in their issues’ arsenal and I’ll show you the next Gladiator-in-Chief.
When the sun rises on January 6th we will be ready for a new breed of Gladiator. Gladiators of the future. And a fresh crop of ordinary men and women like you and I will take them on, 2 by 2, event by event, in hopes of winning that cash prize. Nothing is more American than this.
Here’s a look at the new breed:
The only thing they are missing is a tiny Pilipino man-child. We suggest Weng-Weng.
If you are still not convinced that this is the best thing for television in a time of Islamofascism then we have 3 more words: THE HULKSTER’s BACK.
“Bring it Talibanistan”
I am an uber-talk radio listener. I listen for the entertainment aspect. Why else would I enjoy Michael Savage? However the least entertaining aspect of talk radio happens to be the lousy commercials. I don’t want to hear your fake conversation around legalzoom.com, Adee Do, or your special offer for termite inspection. You are not convincing anyone.
Listening to talk radio commercials during my drive home in traffic is almost as bad as listening to a screaming baby on crowded Southwest flight, while being sandwiched between two overly obese men. Conclusion: It’s ever fun and completely dependent upon the destination.
Why all the griping? Like all things, its simple. Bud Light Real Men of Genius Commercials are the saving grace of radio station interruptions. Both talk or otherwise. These commercials are both unexpected and profound. They serve as a mixture between midgets, Mystery Science Theater, and testosterone. (in other words always funny, sarcastic, and manly). These commercials are dangerously Masculine.
Listgasm respectfully pays homage to this list/library of Bud Light’s Real Men of Genius Commercials. Now your work day has three ways to kill time: said commercials, fantasy sports, and linerider.
Please comment on your favorites. Now if only they could get me to drink cheap beer instead of smile and chuckle for 60 seconds.
Hip Hop is utterly ridiculous. If you don’t believe me then try to make sense of this. Can it really be? Are those graphical representations of rap songs? Absolutely. I have my personal favorites as I am sure you do.
Unfortunately, today wasn’t a good day (I did have have to use my AK) but I will point out that my schedule is extremely similar to Rick Ross’ …so its all in a day’s work- Knucka!
Huge Kudos, thanks, Props to the inventors of these graphs.
I remember the days back in the early 90s when I spent the summers secretly watching The Box. My parents never new about channel 99!
Rap hasn’t changed much. The recipe is still stupid clothes, pride, recycled beats, and exaggerations.
Listgasm’s favorite classic hip hop videos follow: (Kanye and the rest of the new Clowns of hip-hop got nothing on these guys)
Arrested Development: Tennessee
Ini Kamoze: Here Comes the Hotstepper
Naughty by Nature: Feel Me Flow
Pour a few ounces out for the good ‘ol days… the days when rapped was the new kid on the block and you could decipher the lyrics. Feel my flow? Good, then keep it on the DL become I think the Hotstepper is coming and I don’t want him to take me to another place and perform the ditty on me.
(Double Viking recently completed their take on the worst songs of 2007. I concur with their findings.)
If you have never had the privilege of working in a genuine office environment (no, converting your parent’s garage into a workspace for your lame start-up website doesn’t count – even if you have a pencil-holder) then I strongly encourage you to get in on it NOW. If you do work in such a business, hopefully the idiots who followed through on the previous sentence will take our place and we can find something more fulfilling. Either way, Xinjo.com provides us a handful of excellent methods to keep ourselves busy…as long as it doesn’t actually include accomplishing anything in relation to your job.
Any of these could easily be the cold-opening for a future episode of The Office. I doubt Jim would hesitate to wrap Dwight’s desk up completely in paper (he’s already moved it in to the men’s bathroom – Season 2, Episode 6 suckas!) And the ESC buttons on the keyboard wouldn’t be to hard to pull off with an hour’s time and the appropriate level of boredom-induced malice. The garden-growing amidst desk appliances is definitely the most ingenious and worth a shot. (“Life finds a way” –
The image of small life forms bursting through a keyboard instantly brought back to mind a tragic experience from my college years. When writing lengthy term papers (with a typically not-so-lengthy amount of time before the due date) I had the habit of snacking regularly while typing. Thus the small crumbs of chips and cookies (Koala Yummies or bust), along with sugary droplets from cans of Rockstar, fell rather gracefully down between the keys of my keyboard. Naturally my dorm had an ant problem and one day while using my computer I was horrified to begin typing and have hundreds of the crawly creatures (pretty sure they looked like this) burst out from their new tasty nesting grounds and angrily charge onto my hands and up my arms. The lesson learned here is that Koala Yummies are delicious and are worth fighting for.
Anyway, hopefully your work day isn’t so frustrating that driving equipment through your desk is the only means of maintaining your sanity. And sadly the best means of curing boredom isn’t even in this list. That would of course be visiting Listgasm.com. 
Is the repetitive monotony of Thanksgiving beginning to bore you? Have Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa lost their luster? Might the purely-commercial nature of Valentine’s Day created disillusionment? But most importantly, has the lack of being covered from head to toe in tomato paste, mud, paint, and orange juice made you realize you are lacking a truly worthwhile holiday?
A lovingly-prepared list of the Craziest and Messiest Holidays of the World can guide you to a whole range of celebrations that foreigners have long been hiding from us. You will quickly note that to get fully in the spirit, many of these holidays are not ideal for showing off that fancy new outfit you got last week. While the tomato and orange baths likely provide you with a year’s worth of Vitamin C (and temporary blindness – “The citrus…it burns!”), the festivities involving mud would be my ideal use of vacation days.
Taking a closer look at the “Summer Redneck Games”, a couple thoughts come to mind. First, the form of the two divers pictured is exquisite. I can’t imagine the two couldn’t pair up as an Olympic diving team, though the difference in splash potential would likely hurt their chances. And when considering splash, the crowd surrounding the lovely lady in the bottom photograph who have yet to get muddy will be there very, very soon.
Few observations need to be pointed out about “Hounen Matsuri” that you can’t find on your own. (If not, find some high school friends and prepare a class-action lawsuit because 9th grade health failed you.) Before reading the caption, my initial thought from the photograph was how exciting that the Japanese had managed to create a smaller (and certainly more efficient) Weinermobile. But don’t get yourself down when looking at the photograph, because while the holy item being carried claims to be 8-feet long, the average size is really 4 to 6.
Of all the holidays featured, I’d recommend against trying out “The Rapas Das Bestas.” While the caption claims part of the festivities include breaking in the horses, it looks to me like it’s the other way around.
When my colleagues and I set out to create Listgasm.com, we had a multi-faceted vision of how such a website could benefit humankind. First, we desired to develop a bountiful archive of meaningful information and resources for our consumer-driven and knowledge-hungry clientele. Second, to create a holistic web community that brings together folks of all interests and backgrounds. Third, to make fun of poop hats.
Cracked.com has proven itself Listgasm-worthy on many an occasion. This particular list, detailing a unique array of international toys and novelty items, is no exception. Nearly every toy listed is cause for concern, but I can’t help wondering why so many are of Japanese origin. Is it possible that after becoming the leading manufacturer of efficient and economic cars, and creating some of the most prosperous electronics companies in the world, all that was left to do was make the product of your bowel movements fashionable?
The most pressing thought on my mind after going through the list (particularly #19, 12, 11 and 7) was where did the poop “swirl” come from? Unless you using an ice cream dispenser, the mechanics of making such a shape must be incredibly difficult. Perhaps the kind of perfectly-circular butt motions necessary can be developed with practice, but for some reason I’m lacking the drive to try it out.
And with so many of these toys being international in origin, what toys of
One of the best and most useful lists on the net is the FBI’s most wanted.
Unfortunately for the FBI, very few websites link to list. We here at Listgasm will always spotlight the ‘Most Wanted’ list on our site. It’s our way providing a public service that everyone should take advantage of. Plus, we are obsessed with Crime, Justice, and THE DOG.
Take some time out and educate yourself by checking out the Featured Fugitives.
If you are hard on cash then we advise checking out the rewards being offered. You can then prioritize work based on the amount of the reward being offered, region, and/or ugliness of the criminal. After that its fairly easy to just head to Wal-Mart with some buddies, pack a cooler, some chaw, a cell phone, and go huntin’.
The biggest prize tag goes to Osama Been Hiding at $25 million dollars. He has been on the list since 1999.
The CIA, Google, the NSA, and everybranch of the US military can’t find him so you are probably better off going after number 2, Jorge Orozco-Lopez. His reward is a lovely $100k. I bet Mexico would even throw in a box of Chicle for this dirtbag being put in cuffs. Its the least they can do for the amount of money our government does housing thousands of illegal immigrants convicted of crimes in the United States (29% of the prison population in the US are illegals, roughly 500k people). *Note: We are not insinuating that all illegals in prison are Mexican, they might be from other South American countries as well. Hell, we bet there’s even one Canadian, so relax*
Listgasm supports the Dog, Justice, and eradicating the world of human scum.
