Listgasms » Life

This is easily our pick of the week:

The definitive list of laughing baby videos!

We hope this brightened your day as much as ours!

How come every time you walk into an elevator already containing more than one other person, you immediately feel awkward. Why is this?

Our random list of the week is 50 things to do in an elevator.

The advice contained in the list should make for interesting ways to either break the ice or freeze it even colder:

Examples: The list itself is not entirely comprehensive, as always we could always add more…

• Sell Girl Scout Cookies

• Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body

is not entirely comprehensive, we could always add more…

I find elevators annoying and here’s why:

• People always push buttons that are already lit (a super way to piss me off)
• People seem to be in more of a hurry when they get on and off of elevators
• You have to walk into the elevator with people looking at you and then immediately turn around so you can push the button or get out. This simple act allows other people to view you in 360 degrees of awkwardness
• Nobody talks
• Music sucks
• Elevators are cramped
• Someone may leave a fart, burp, or some other disgusting scent behind on their way in or out.
• They make us fat

When I walk into a crowded elevator, I feel a lot like the time I was 9 and my mom caught be rocking out to Kenny G with sunglasses on and my recorder in front of my closet mirror. (Subtext: I feel stupid and/or embarrassed) Yet in the case of the elevator I cannot explain why…

I was living in a hole in the ground until last year when my wife introduced me to the Darwin Awards. I immediately ran to the nearest book store and read all the Darwin Award books they had on the shelves (Sidenote: I rarely purchase books, because of the institution known as the public library).

If you don’t know about the Darwin Awards, never admit it, because then you have to hear about it from your significant other. Instead, go here and get educated.

The Darwin Awards, where stupidity is fatal. Here is just one highlight from the 2007 list: (Source- Darwin Awards.com 2007)

10 January 2007, East Germany- A 63-year-old man’s extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a probable victory for the mole. The man had pounded several metal rods into the ground and connected them to a high-voltage power line, with the intent of rendering the subterranean realm uninhabitable.

Incidentally, the maneuver electrified the very ground he stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

The precise date of the sexagenarian’s demise could not be ascertained, but the electricity bill may provide a clue.