Listgasms » Humor

So we have been on a bit of a hiatus…full time jobs = excuses. We will be back and better than ever. Get ready.

Here’s what Alex and Ryan have been up to….weddings, tributes, and the like…

The internet is filled with bagillions of websites and blogs. All this information makes for a great new game that we like to call, “That Can’t Exist!”

Here’s how the game is played:

- Player one thinks of a topic.

- Player two has to think of the most ridiculous website that could be associated with Player 1’s topic.

- Player 1 runs a search to see if anything exists on the internets.

- If a website exists Player 2 gets a point, however the game always ends with both players winning.

Here are some of our more recent finds. You may have come across these web gems before but who cares, everyone always deserves a reminder:

Search String 1: Obama + The Devil

Result: www.barackobamaantichrist.blogspot.com
Reflection: Basically, this proves our point that if you can think of a topic, chances are more than good that a site already exists. What is even more impressive about this site is the sheer dedication this man/woman/fanatic puts into finding actual content for the blog. People be warned: consumption of Obama juice may lead to negative side affects (i.e., inadvertently joining a cult, following a deathly trend, or being hopelessly audacious.)

Search String 2: Police + Hot

Result: www.hottcops.blogspot.com
Reflection: Does this woman (we are assuming she is of the female populace) really have the term HOTT COPs (two T’s) trademarked? Probably! The blog is fantastic. This lady has screen shots of hot cops on TV and she’s backs up her photo snatching skills with well documented information that only an ex-girlfriend stalker could hope to obtain. We have all heard of Firemen fetishes, but who knew someone actually liked a COP?

Search String 3: Black Child Names

Result: www.blackpeopleloveus.com
Reflection: And you thought you were getting names like Jayylyyn (pronounced Jaylin), Jazzmen (pronounced Jasmine), or Gerhome (pronounced Jerome), nope, sorry. This result falls into the category where both players win. This site is actually older than we thought, but that still doesn’t effect the humor factor (Off the charts).

Search String 4: Marry + Daughter

Result: www.marryourdaughter.com
Reflection: Awesome because of the two main ingredients: Purpose and Appropriateness. Our Filipino friend was very disappointed to find out this site was fake, but it’s not like was saving his Nike money or anything…

Search String 5: America + Guns

Result: www.armedamerica.org
Reflection: This site has been making the rounds and we are definitely considering picking this coffee table book up out of the “free bin” at the local library in about 9 months.

Search String 6: Hot Chicks + Idiots

Result: www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com
Reflection: If you have not been one of the millions to visit this site in the last year then your 56k dial up might be to blame. This site is fantastic for men who seek to spend more time grooming themselves than that of the average female socialite. Johnny Guido, Bobby Brosaffah, and Mark McGrath all approve of this web gem!

Search String 7: White People + Stuff

Result: www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

Reflection: We love everything about this site because it is based on empirical evidence. The topics are great but the writing is even more superb. We are waiting the following topics to appear: Taxidermy, Ergonomic Furniture, Factory Outlets, RVs, and Helmets (but only because white people are so extreme).

Search String 8: Bouncer + Blog (no picture)

Result: www.diaryofadoorman.com

Reflection: This site reminds us all that bouncers can do more than just hold velvet ropes and wear tight shirts (or is that a painted advertisement).

Search String 9: Retards+ Blog

Result: www.tard-blog.com

Reflection: Why are we not surprised that this site is a part of Tucker Max’s Rudius Media Network? This blog makes us smile and when we aren’t smiling we try to think of the face of retard who is dancing…and then we find our way back to smiling.

Search String 10: Cycling + Around the World (no picture)

Result: www.reecerobbins.blogspot.com

Reflection: Apparently Reece has some lofty goals and we are 100% behind him. We hope he is aware of cycling’s correlation to male impotence.

Running theme: Stereotypes

Conclusion: If it weren’t mostly true then it wouldn’t be funny.

You are welcome!

Please send us more random websites or blogs.

More lists here

Updates: New sites that have been suggested

www.whatikilledtoday.blogspot.com 

America loves game shows because we love people who make fools of themselves while trying really hard to win cash that they don’t deserve. It’s all very similar to a skeezy politician wooing voters and committing an embarrassing gaffe.

I digress…Our list of the week comes today from PWNtheNET.com, and its a compilation of recent failures on Wheel of Fortune. You really can’t miss this one: Link

“ALL YOU CAN EAT TACO BAR!” 

As the Cold and Flu Seasons saunters on, we decided it would be nice to know that you could turn this:

into any one of these:

More:
List of uses for tissue boxes

other Links:
Personalized Tissue Box Covers
(source) (source)
(source)(source)

In our quest for lists we are constantly trolling the far corners of internet for new information. One of the biggest sources for these lists are magazines. In fact the inspiration for LISTGASM originated out of the neighborhood newsstand. And if you doubt us, then we respectfully challenge you to do the following: The next time you are at Borders Books or Barnes and Nobles, we dare you to ignore the lists plastered all over the covers of various magazines

On to the next challenge:

We want to know if you have heard of, read, or subscribe to any of these magazines. We can’t even believe that these exist. (sorted by category)

WOMEN:

• MissBehave: We are not entirely sure if this magazine is still being published, it may have been downgraded to a blog. Still, we agree its time for a magazine that tell girls thats burhkas are out and being urban is in. Their title is catchy, feminine, and yet has a slight touch of entomology.

• Romantic Times BOOK Reviews: We love romantic book covers more than probably (see the logo?) anyone else, but we still can’t imagine anyone reading reviews for books with titles such as, Fallen: Celeste, Deep is the Night: Dark Fire, or The Last Celtic Witch. Definitely spend some time reading ASK THE AUTHOR, regarding the sensational Sasha Lord.

• Black Hair: The best magazines that nobody reads has to be the ethnic ones, and by ethnic we usually mean African-American or Latino. I’d like to know the specifics around using “soul glow.” Wouldn’t you? However I would prefer to learn everything on 1 page instead of 156…

• Cornbread 2 Caviar: Just when you thought this list was slowing down, we slip this right under you. The magazine is described as the “Southeast’s Urban voice for Christian Women.” This makes as much sense to us as cussing out a deaf person.

  

• Weddings and Quinceañeras: I have only been to one Quinceañera in my lifetime and the girl was half black, so it doesn’t really count. This magazine is exclusively for Latinas planning their birthday parties 15 years in the making. The following year they plan their child’s first birthday party and by age 20 they finally get married. I think that’s why its called Weddings AND Quinceañeras, but I think that the title should be in reverse order. Think about it, each purchased issue lasts the consumer a good 5 years!

  

• Fit Pregnancy: This magazine is no different than any other female subscription- full of how-to’s, tips, pretty pictures, and even prettier advertisements. My guess is that the only women who purchase this magazine are the same ones who planned their pregnancy and have intentions to get knocked-up immediately thereafter. Pay close attention to the special pull-out section in the picture.

• Pageantry Magazine: Where to begin? Luckily they have a special issue in the spring that is naturally titled “Prom Time.” Please find time to visit their site so you don’t miss out on the “Pic of the week.” We do appreciate the hair, make-up, and etiquette tips, but where’s the advice to ensure your little Teen/Hoodrat gets asked to the big dance in the first place?

• Just CrossStitch: This magazine is read by the tackiest and wackiest thrift-store shopping, home-schooling mothers in America. Although their house may feel extremely cozy upon entering and their baked goods are always delicious, be careful- because these woman are just a Lifetime Movie away from committing murder (or suicide).

• Sister 2 Sister: I am about ‘100 things better to do with my time’ away from writing to the editors of this magazine for black women and informing them that it should be “Sista 2 Sista,” and the ‘2′ should be in reverse. If you are going to do something, then do it write. Am I right?

• Women’s Basketball: I totally dig the concept of women buying a magazine containing foldouts of other women in time-lapsed photographic poses (i.e., completing lay-ups). Good form, but try to jump next time.

MEN:

• En-V-Us: Talk about Pride, this magazine bills itself as an “ethnic men’s lifestyle and entertainment magazine.” I don’t even think a college kid in a racially exclusive fraternity would pick this trash up…take that back… they probably would, but only because of the cologne samples. And why should I EN-V you anyway? Please remind me…

• Dime: Who knew there was a magazine dedicated to the “basketball lifestyle?” I play basketball a lot- I even have a pair of Jordan XI’s, and yet I have never heard of this “lifestyle” that this magazine promotes. I think its because of a specific thing Dime refuses to promote…A DAY JOB.

• Ultimate Grappling: Nothing says “I’m Straight Bro, I promise,” like jumping out of your supe’d up 4×4, ripping off your Affliction T-shirt, and getting down with some Mixed Martial Arts. I just don’t see where reading magazines fits into the whole equation. I guess that’s where the Ring Girls calendar comes into play…

• Log Home and Wood: I would go as far as saying that these are the two most necessary magazines on our list. One could argue that their carbon footprint is extremely large but I would counter argue that their weathered hand slap could knock you straight on your ass. Have you ever shaken the hand of a carpenter?

• Trapper & Predator These men don’t need Mountain Drew or heights to get Xtreme. Nope. They use assault rifles, bows, ATVs, and various animal calling techniques. Knawwaatimeen?

TEENS:

• Inside Cheerleading: I can admit that I have been on the”outside” of cheer leading for too long. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen Bring it On, so really- what more can there be? The answer lays somewhere in the mail (after $33 dollars and a 3 years subscription).

• Word Up! (black) J-14 Magazine (white) , and Gumbo Teen (confused): We thought teen gossip rags died with NKOTB (New Kids on the Block), but we were very very wrong. The greatest thing about these magazines have always been how they look exactly like something a 12 year old would put together…collage after collage after collage…
  • Good news: gumbo teen is hiring!

That just about does it for this list. We hope you are going bonkers trying to figure out how these magazines stay in business.

What’s next for Listgasm? Food! Frozen food and chocolate to be exact. But don’t worry everything has been lab tested for quality!

This is the best feel good list we have ever found. Send us some more tips at support@listgasm.com

Asian Baby faces 

Since we are headed towards a recession, we figured that the best way to uplift the spirits of America was by providing some much needed smiles, and so we present to you:

Top Funny Baby Videos

Yup, its a list of all the top ‘Baby-related’ youtube videos on the net. (note: I will point out that the list is missing the recent “Evil Eye” video that swept the net last week.)

Nothing fades away the worries of a recession like a bunch of laughing babies on home video.

I was living in a hole in the ground until last year when my wife introduced me to the Darwin Awards. I immediately ran to the nearest book store and read all the Darwin Award books they had on the shelves (Sidenote: I rarely purchase books, because of the institution known as the public library).

If you don’t know about the Darwin Awards, never admit it, because then you have to hear about it from your significant other. Instead, go here and get educated.

The Darwin Awards, where stupidity is fatal. Here is just one highlight from the 2007 list: (Source- Darwin Awards.com 2007)

10 January 2007, East Germany- A 63-year-old man’s extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a probable victory for the mole. The man had pounded several metal rods into the ground and connected them to a high-voltage power line, with the intent of rendering the subterranean realm uninhabitable.

Incidentally, the maneuver electrified the very ground he stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

The precise date of the sexagenarian’s demise could not be ascertained, but the electricity bill may provide a clue.

PC World recently released what they thought were the 10 Funniest Sites on the Internet. The lists does contain a few gems such as Engrish, FoundMagazine, and Overheard in New York but overall I think PC world was a bit sloppy in their research. I would have enjoyed their list much more if it included these bits of hilarity:

• Marry Our Daughter - for those who need it.
• NiggaSpace - to prove your stupidity or brag about your street cred.
• The Brick Testament - for all those lego bible thumpers
  
• The Best Page in the Universe - because it is.

How can you title a list “The funniest sites on the net” and not put Maddox on it? He has consistently had the best site on the net since 1998. I would go so far as to even say that he was the internet’s first real blogger, and you know Maddox don’t fool around with no typepad or wordpress bullshit either.

I have to admit, I did expect more from PC World because they have provided some great lists in the past.

You are welcome.

“Thanks NiggaSpace.com!”

Mental Floss is great because they always throw together informative lists that are short and sweet. Whereas some sites attempt to tackle the Top 100, 50, or 25 about a given subject, Mental Floss likes to settle for topics with usually 8 entries or less.

Is this because they dislike due diligence? No, it’s because they know you only can read through the first 3 entries of any list before you have to ALT-TAB, so your co-workers don’t catch you trollin’ the net.

We respect you Mental Floss for you digestible lists of useless trivia!

A few notables:

• 6 College Pranks
  
• 5 Drinking Stories That Put Yours to Shame
• 6 Horrifying Parasites
• 6 of History’s Most Awkward Public Displays of Affection